The D Gray Man Torture Game
by 1029384756
Summary: You, the readers, send in dares that I will force the characters of D. Gray Man to perform. Sa, oide! Let the games begin! As of chapter two, it has been expanded so you can ask personal, weird and degrading questions as well! Muahaha, this will be sooo much fun! Review please! *Fixed a major mistake I made*
1. Muaha!

Lexi: Welcome everyone, to the D. Gray Man Torture Game! I am your host, Schlapalapadingdong! *gestures to two guys standing next to her* And these are my slaves, Devit and Jasdero!

Jasdero: And together we are Jasdevi! Hee!

Devit: We are not your slaves!

Lexi: I am paying you so you are whatever I want you to be. You are my slaves!

Devit: I'm not getting paid for anything!

Jasdero: Dero is!

Lexi: *glomps Jasdero* That's because I love you. Anyways, *pushes Devit into a closet to drown out his complaining* as the summary to this states, this is where all the D. Gray Man characters will be paid-

Devit: *muffled yelling from in the closet* Forced!

Lexi: paid to perform dares sent in by you, the readers. To make things easy, I'm only doing one character per chapter. Character order is randomly selected by the pulling of names out of a hat. (I actually am pulling names out a hat. It builds SUSPENSE!). Though I do take request in consideration. So, Jasdero, do you want to do the honors?

Jasdero: *nods head enthusiastically and reaches into hat* Tyki Mikk! Hee!

Lexi: There ya have it! Now send in all those wonderful dares for Tyki-pon and I'll see you next time!

Jasdero: *waves goodbye*


	2. Expansion

Lexi: *whimpering in corner*

Devit: *crosses arms* What's wrong with her?

Jasdero: *shrugs* It might be because no one has reviewed.

Devit: *smiles* Great! If no one reviews then there's no reason for us to be here. Let's go, Jasdero.

Lexi: *shows up behind Devit* Wrong!

Devit: *jumps* Bitch! Don't do that!

Lexi: OK, so I have two announcements. First off, I've been thinking-

Devit: Really? You actually thought about something? And here I thought you were just rash and impulsive.

Lexi: *twitches and puts on a sweet smile* Jasdero? Can I pwease kill your brother?

Jasdero: But, Dero loves Devi.

Lexi: *sighs* Fine. But one more comment from him and he goes back in closet. As I was saying, I've been thinking and decided to myself, "Hey! Wouldn't this be more fun if you could make them do embarrassing things AND ask embarrassing questions?" and my answer was yes, yes it would! So, as of right now, not only can you dare them to do anything you want, but you can them any and all questions you want answers to. Sounds fun, right?

Devit: No!

Lexi: Too bad. Didn't ask you.

Jasdero: What's the other thing?

Lexi: Uh…I forgot.

Devit: *facepalms* Of course she did.

Lexi: Tyki is still up first, so submit those reviews! I can't wait to see what you guys come up with. *evil smile and laugh while rubbing hands together* Sayonara!


	3. Tyki Mikk is sexy and damn does he know!

Lexi: Welcome back everyone to the D. Gray Man Torture Game!

Devit: *sarcastic* Yay.

Lexi: Stop being such a downer, Devit. This will be fun. You wanna know why?

Devit: Cause we're getting out of here soon?

Lexi: Nooo. Because today is the day we can actually start the real fun! *gestures towards Road's door* Let's welcome our first prisoner, Tyki Mikk!

Tyki: *door opens and Tyki walks out* Where am I? *looks around and sees the twins* Jasdevi? *sees Lexi* And who are you?

Lexi: I'm Lexi! Now come Tyki-pon! We have a game to play.

Tyki: Games? The only games I put up with are Roads, and usually not even hers.

Lexi: What about the Earl's?

Tyki: Eh. That's mostly a job.

Jasdero: *Over by Road's door* How did you get Road's door? Hee.

Devit: *With Jasdero* Yeah, she doesn't even let us use them.

Lexi: *shrugs* I just told her that if she let me borrow it for the purpose of the cause, which she seemed pretty excited about, then I'll give her Allen.

Road: *walks through door dragging a tied up Allen behind her* That's right. She also let me read through the stuff you'll be doing Tyki. *evil giggle* This will be amusing.

Allen: *Muffled sounds though gagged mouth*

Lexi: Uh…What did he just say?

Road: *smiles* Aw. He just wants me to hug him. *hugs Allen*

Allen: *violently shakes head no*

Lexi: OK? We should probably get started. First one is from Bubblegum Blowout.

** Hi Hi! I dare Tyki to make out with Allen for 20 minutes. Tyki did you ever stalk anyone and do you have a crush on Lavi? I dare you also to dress up as a fairy princess and sing to Kanda while doing it ! Make sure I get some of Jasdero too and tell him to call Paisley which is me!**

Lexi: Road, I need to borrow Allen.

Road: *sighs* I know. *un-gags Allen*

Lexi: Tyki, you must make out with Allen for twenty minutes.

Tyki and Allen: WHAT?!

Devit and Jasdero: *rolling on the floor laughing*

Lexi: You heard me. Now stop yapping and get smacking.

Tyki: No way in hell.

Allen: I completely agree.

Lexi: *sigh* Didn't want to have to do this. Twins!

Devit and Jasdero: What?

Lexi: I give you permission to attack them till they do it.

Devit: Really? *pulls out gun* This may not be too bad after all.

Jasdero: *pulls out his gun* Not too bad at all. Hee!

Tyki: Like those two could hurt me.

Devit: What did you just say?! Of course we can!

Tyki: *gets ready to bring out Teez*

Lexi: *pounces on him and puts on a collar*

Tyki: What the hell? *tries to conjure Teez but fails* What the hell is this?

Allen: It's a collar Komui made. It prevents us from activating our innocence. Apparently it works on you guys as well. Sadly, it's probably the only thing Komui's made that actually works. *points to his collar* Road put one on me earlier.

Devit: *places gun to back of Tyki's head*

Jasdero: *places gun to back of Allen's head*

Lexi: *in a sing-song voice* We're waiting.

Tyki and Allen: *sadly looks at each other than starts making out*

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

Tyki and Allen: *pulls apart panting*

Lexi: Wow. That got a little heated.

Devit: That was disgusting.

Lexi: OK Road. There's no more that need Allen. You can leave if you want.

Road: *re-gags Allen* I think I'll stay to watch.

Lexi: *smiles* Kk. Next two are questions. Have you ever stalked anyone?

Tyki: I've had to hunt people down but I really wouldn't call that stalking.

Lexi: Do you have a crush on Lavi?

Tyki: What? No!

Lexi: Now you must dress up as a fairy princess and sing to Kanda.

Tyki: No.

Lexi: *looks at twins*

Devit and Jasdero: *points guns at Tyki*

Tyki: Uhg. I don't have a choice, do I?

Lexi: Nope.

Devit: *holds up a pink dress and shoes*

Jasdero: *holds up fairy wings and tiara*

Tyki: *sighs and changes into costume* Now what?

Lexi: Go through Road's door. It's set to lead to one of the training rooms in the Order. Kanda should be there. Grab the stereo on your way out. The song is already set.

Tyki: What song?

Lexi: *evil smile* Just a song I thought would fit the occasion.

Tyki: *gulps and goes through door*

Lexi: *pulls a giant television screen from the ceiling and turns it on* Anyone care to watch?

Devit: Can we get popcorn?

Lexi: *pulls out a bucket of popcorn and some water* Waayy ahead of you.

IN THE TRAINING ROOM

Tyki: *comes out through door and lays stereo down* Let's get this over with… *presses play and Barbie Girl starts playing* You've got to be kidding me!

Kanda: Hm? *looks over and sees Tyki* A Noah!

Tyki: *sees Kanda coming after him and tries, but fails, to conjure Teez* Damn it! *dodges Kanda's attack*

Kanda: *accidently destroys camera*

BACK AT STUDIO

Lexi: *throwing popcorn at a fuzzing screen* Kanda you douche nugget! *turns to the laughing twins* Should we go get him?

Devit: Nah. He can handle it himself.

Jasdero: Yep, himself. Hee!

Tyki: *comes back half beaten* Please tell me I'm done.

Road: Not even close.

Lexi: Let's continue! The next is supposed to be from crownclown25, but theirs is for Lavi. I'll keep this review as a note so when its Lavi's turn, this will be the first one he does. So, it's Guest turn.

** I dare tyki to be seductive towards the millennium earl! （ω）**

** And if he had a choice between Allen and Lavi, which one would he rape?**

Lexi: Road. Make your door lead to where the Earl is.

Road: OK.

Tyki: Where am I going now?

Lexi: You have to be seductive towards the Earl.

Tyki: No, not that!

Lexi: Sorry, but it's on the card.

Road: *points to door* Go, Tyki. Now!

Tyki: *reluctantly goes through door*

Devit: How are we supposed to know if he does it?

Lexi: The camera in the training room broke, not the television. See? *points to screen*

IN THE EARL'S ROOM

Earl: *sitting in his rocking chair reading*

Tyki: Hello Earl.

Earl: Oh, hello Tyki-pon.

Tyki: *comes up behind the Earl and starts massaging his shoulders* So watcha doing?

Earl: Uh, reading.

Tyki: *starts to slide on hand down the Earl's chest*

Earl: Is there something you want, Tyki?

Tyki: *gulps* Yes…I want you.

Earl: *raises an eyebrow*

Tyki: Uhg! I can't do this! *runs back through door*

Earl: That man drinks too much. *goes back to reading*

AT STUDIO

Tyki: *comes back to see everyone laughing* Shut. Up.

Lexi: It's OK. The next couple are questions. So, if you had to choose, would you rather rape Allen or Lavi?

Tyki: Rape? Neither!

Lexi: You have to choose.

Tyki: *sighs and mumbles* Allen.

Allen: *through gag* Hm?!

Tyki: Well, we've already made out.

Lexi: At least he had a reason. Next review is from Auraheart.

** Tyki,what happened to that one game when the Earl used his own cards?**

** Dare: Finish the interupted fight with Cross Marian**

** Play the knife game**

Lexi: What happened to the game of cards you played against the Earl using his deck?

Tyki: I don't remember such game. I probably won though.

Lexi: Hm, seeing as how Cross is missing again, yet this time it seems as he might be dead-

Allen: *muffled yelling*

Lexi: -the fight with him can't really be resumed.

Tyki: I don't remember that either.

Lexi: It was when you were your awakened Noah. *holds out a knife* Play the knife game.

Tyki: At least this is easy. How many times?

Lexi: Ten times back and forth.

Tyki: *starts* One…Two…Three…Four…

Devit and Jasdero: *looks at each other and smiles*

Tyki: Five…Six…Seven…

Devit and Jasdero: *sneaks up behind Tyki*

Tyki: Eight…Nine…

Devit and Jasdero: *pops up* BOO!

Tyki: *jumps and stabs his hand* Ahg! TWINS!

Lexi: *jumps up and hugs Jasdero* No attacking my Jasdero!

Devit: What about me?

Lexi: No attacking my Jasdero!

Devit: *looks at Jasdero*

Jasdero: *shrugs*

Lexi: OK, so the next one was sent to me through PM so I don't know if they want to stay anonymous. For the sake of that, I'm just gonna keep them anonymous.

** Excuse I would like to submit a dare and it is that tiki will have to read a tiki x domanatrix lenna lee fic **

Lexi: *goes over to desk and pulls out laptop* Tyki, oide.

Tyki: Oide?

Lexi: It means 'come' in Japanese. Oide. Now.

Tyki: *comes over*

Lexi: Read this.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

Tyki: Damn. Didn't know the girl had it in her to do such things. I'm suddenly turned on.

Lexi: Didn't really need to say that last part…The last review for this chapter is from Chunarilee.

** I dare tyki to squeeze kandas butt and to tell komui that he is a pedo rapist and is going after lenalee next. Tyki did you ever try to molest jasdero and devit while they were sleeping?**

Lexi: Tyki! Go grope Kanda's ass!

Tyki: No way in hell am I going back there!

Lexi: Yes. You are. Now, it's 11:00 at night and I'm starting to get tired. Now GO!

Devit: You really don't want to mess with her if she's tired.

Jasdero: It's not fun.

Road: *pushes him to door* Just go. You're almost done.

Tyki: *grumbles incoherent words and leaves*

Devit: If he's going back to the training room, how will we know-

Kanda: *voice heard through open door* WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! *slashing sounds*

Tyki: *runs back and quickly slam door shut* I hate…you ALL!

Lexi: I think he did it. You only have one dare and one question left.

Tyki: Then I can leave?

Lexi: Then you can leave.

Tyki: Fine. Let's just get this over with.

Lexi: You must tell Komui that you are a pedo rapist.

Tyki: That's it?

Lexi: And that you're going after Lenalee next.

Tyki: OK.

Allen: *muffled sounds and head shakings*

Tyki: Is it a bad thing?

Allen: *nods*

Tyki: Can't be that bad.

Lexi: I'm actually kind of worried about sending him there.

Tyki: Why is it such a bad thing?

Lexi: Because Lenalee is Komui's younger sister and he has a MAJOR sister complex.

Tyki: Is it that bad?

Devit: The girl who forced you to grope a man and seduce the Earl is saying she doesn't want to send you there. It sounds pretty bad to me.

Jasdero: Will Jasdero have to meet him?

Lexi: Hopefully not. Here. *hands Tyki a phone* Either way, you still have to do the dare.

Tyki: *calls Komui*

[Komui: Yes? Who is this?]

Tyki: I am a pedo rapist. And Lenalee is next.

[Komui: *machine type sounds heard in background and phone turns off*]

Tyki: Uh…

Lexi: We might want to finish this quick. I have a feeling the he got a Sir Komlin out of storage.

Tyki: Sir Komlin?

Lexi: Don't ask. Anyways, last thing. Have you ever tried to molest Jasdero and/or Devit while they were sleeping?

Devit: Wait, what!?

Jasdero: *looks about to cry* Tyki!

Tyki: I haven't! Promise!

Lexi: Are you sure?

Tyki: Yes!

Lexi: Positive?

Tyki: Positive!

Lexi: Is that your final answer?

Tyki: Yes, damn it! I haven't, nor will I ever, try to molest the twins!

Devit: Good. You would be dead man if you did.

Jasdero: Yep. Dead. Hee!

Lexi: OK, Tyki. We're done.

Tyki: *sigh of relief* Thank you.

Road: Not quite.

Lexi and Tyki: Huh?

Road: Lexi, didn't the first reviewer say that she wanted Jasdero for a bit?

Lexi: *hugs Jasdero* But, but, my Jasdero!

Devit: Will you stop hugging my brother!

Lexi: *hisses at Devit*

Road: Lexi…

Lexi: *sighs* Fine…But only because she was the first to review this.

Devit: Jasdero is not an item to auction off!

Lexi: We're not. I'm not getting any money off this.

Devit: *facepalms* Not what I meant.

Lexi: So this marks the end of our first chapter. My whole name in the hat thing turned out to be a bad idea because my dog kept eating the paper. So I put the character's name in a name generator and now my laptop is messing up (it will be a miracle if I can get this up) so, since crownclown25 made a request for Lavi, I'll go on and out him next.

Jasdero: So Lavi is the next chapter?

Lexi: Yep…That's it. Oh! I need Jasdero back in time for the next chapter!


	4. Whack-a-Lavi!

Lexi: *sitting at desk happily staring at laptop screen*

Jasdero: Is something wrong with Lexi? Hee.

Devit: There's always something wrong with Lexi. How do you think this got started?

Lexi: So many…They're so pretty, so SHINY…!

Devit: *walks over and looks at laptop* Why are you staring at the reviews for this?

Lexi: Because there are so many! So many embarrassing, torturous things that came from demented minds that's not mine! *evil smile and laugh*

Jasdero: Dero thinks she lost it…

Devit: *places hand on Jasdero's shoulder* Jasdero, I don't think she ever had it.

Lexi: OK! Let's get this thing started! Road!

Lavi: *Road's door opens and Lavi gets pushed out* Hey!

Devit: You have Road helping out now?

Lexi: I need her door. That, and I figured it would be easier to have her do the kidnapping and she could explain the game to people before they come here so I don't have everyone asking me 'Why am I here?' and other stuff like Tyki did.

Devit: Breathe much?

Lexi: Yeah…That was a long sentence. *gets up and goes over to Lavi* So, how are you?

Lavi: Uh…Fine, I guess?

Lexi: That's good. *steals Lavi's hammer*

Lavi: Hey! Give that back!

Lexi: I can't have you attacking people during this. *gives hammer to Devit* You guys will need that later.

Devit: *shrugs and puts it in jacket pocket*

Lexi: Before getting started, I would like to explain something. This is mostly for crownclown25 since they seem to be a little confused. I don't do only Noah related stuff. I'm doing one character per chapter. It makes things easier on me and the reviewers. You requested dares for Lavi when I was doing the chapter dedicated to Tyki. Since this is Lavi's chapter, I will do the request you made for him. The request you made for Allen, I will do, but only in the chapter dedicated to Allen. Not this one. I hope that cleared things up for you. I'm really sorry for the confusion.

Devit: Can we just get started? I feel like torturing some Exorcist!

Lavi: Can we not?

Lexi: Yep.

Lavi: Really?

Lexi: No. Yes to Devit. Let the torturing begin! First is from crownclown25.

**I dare Lavi to go up to Komui while he's sleeping and say: " Your new niece looks just like allen." Or " Allen and lenalee went into a darkroom... And I heard erotic noises". I'm so perverted in a funny way. :/**

Lexi: Ready Lavi?!

Lavi: *shrugs* Eh. I guess.

Lexi: *writes down the quotes on separate note cards* Here. I'll let you pick which one to do.

Lavi: At random?

Lexi: Duh. It wouldn't be any fun if you knew what they said.

Lavi: I guess. *picks a card* "Allen and Lenalee went into a darkroom…And I heard erotic noises.". Is this true? Oh, the blackmail!

Lexi: No, it's not true. As far as I know at least. That's what you have to whisper in a sleeping Komui's ear.

Lavi: *smiles* OK. Where do I find him?

Lexi: Through Road's door.

Jasdero: Why does Lavi seem happy?

Devit: Judging from your reaction when Tyki had to do something similar, you were scared to let him go.

Lexi: To answer both questions, with Tyki, he had to do it himself. Lavi is passing on information that ALLEN did, so Allen will be the one to get hurt.

Lavi: And's it's just too much fun messing with him.

Lexi: Totally agree.

Lavi: *leaves*

IN KOMUI'S OFFICE

Komui: *asleep on couch*

Lavi: Oh, this will be so much fun! *sneaks up to Komui* Hey, Komui, I saw Allen take Lenalee into one of the supply closets. I had to walk past it and I heard some pretty erotic noises.

Komui: *snores once, snores twice then jumps up holding a chainsaw* ALLEN WALKER! *runs out*

BACK AT STUDIO

Everyone: *laughing their asses off*

Lexi: That was perfect Lavi.

Lavi: *bows* Thank you! Thank you! I'm here for the rest of the chapter!

Lexi: *still laughing* Next is from Bubblegum Blowout.

**I LOVE IT! I dare Lavi to knock Kanda unconscious and to dress him up as Hello Kitty(with his hair braided and with makeup on) and to give him to the Earl as a gift. I also dare Lavi to dress in a sexy maid oufit with cat ears and tail to give Tyki a lap dance. Lavi, do you like candy? And are you gay or straight? Oh and heres Jasdero!**

Lexi: Lavi, go knock Kanda unconscious and dress him up as Hello Kitty.

Lavi: How? They have my hammer! *points to twins*

Devit: *teasingly swings hammer*

Jasdero: *chuckles*

Lexi: Here. *hands him a real hammer*

Lavi: *takes it* …OK.

IN KANDA'S ROOM

Kanda: *asleep on bed*

Lavi: Why is everyone asleep? *looks out window* Oh. It's night. Makes sense. *hits Kanda in the head with side of hammer and begins dressing him*

BACK AT STUDIO

Lavi: *dragging an unconscious Kanda behind him* What do I do with him?

Lexi: Give him to the Earl.

Lavi: I don't want to see the Earl!

Lexi: Just toss him through the door.

Lavi: *tosses the unconscious Kanda through Road's door*

Lexi: *tosses a note with him*

IN THE EARL'S ROOM

Earl: *sitting in rocking chair sewing and hears noise behind him* Hm? *turns* Oooh, an Exorcist. *gets up and a note falls on his head*

_To The Millennium Earl. _

_From Devit, Jasdero and Lexi._

Earl: How sweet of Jasdevi…Who's Lexi?

BACK AT STUDIO

Lavi: Why wasn't my name on the card?

Lexi: Didn't feel like it. Plus this will give the twins brownie points with the Earl.

Devit: Ha! The Earl loves us more! Suck it Tyki! Thanks Lex!

Lexi: *smiles* Yay! Nickname!

Jasdero: *hugs Lexi* Thanks Lexi! Hee!

Lexi: *blushes and faints*

Jasdero: Uh, Lexi? *pokes Lexi* Lexi?

Devit: Jasdero, I think you killed her.

Jasdero: But Dero didn't mean to!

Lavi: I thought it was instinct for Noah's to kill, or something like that.

Devit: It's instinct for Noah's to want to kill stupid Exorcist like you.

Jasdero: Lexi isn't an Exorcist. Hee.

Devit: I just sometimes want to strangle her cause she forced me to do this.

Lavi: If she's dead does that mean the show's over?

Road: *pokes head out of door and reads off a sheet of paper* In the case that Lexi is incapable of running the show, the twins, as they are her apprentices, take over. If they are unable, I am to take over. *goes back to wherever the hell she was before*

Jasdero: So, Jasdevi is in charge?

Devit: *smile evilly* Completely.

Lavi: Now I kind of don't want to do this anymore.

Devit and Jasdero: *pulls out guns* Too bad! (Hee!)

Devit: *takes cards off Lexi's desk* We're still on the same reviewer. You must dress in a sexy maid outfit with cat ears and a tail and give Tyki a lap dance.

Lavi: Cosplay? Sounds fun. Though Tyki doesn't seem like an appropriate choice.

Devit: The box of clothes is over there. *points to Road's door* Jasdero!

Jasdero: *wearing the cat ears* Dero likes these! Hee!

Lavi: *grabs the box and ears and leaves through Road's door*

Jasdero: *fiddling with the remote* How do you use this? Hee.

Devit: *takes it* Like this. *still doesn't work* Huh?

Jasdero: See!

Devit: Must be dead.

Road: *comes out and turns the television on* Idiots. *leaves*

Devit and Jasdero: *stares after her*

Devit: Damn Road.

WHEREVER TYKI WAS AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME

Tyki: *stares at Lavi* Lexi?

Lavi: Yeah. She's got this whole game thing set up.

Tyki: Yeah, I know. I already did it. Just get whatever you have to do over with.

Lavi: *gives Tyki a very good lap dance* Done.

Tyki: Leave.

Lavi: What? No tip?

Tyki: *stares at him*

Lavi: *sighs* Fine.

BACK AT STUDIO

Lavi: Can I keep this on? It's strangely comfortable.

Devit: *shrugs* Don't care? Just don't try anything on us.

Lavi: I won't. Well, unless it's requested.

Jasdero: *takes the ears and puts it on*

Lavi: *shrugs*

Devit: Some questions. Do you like candy?

Lavi: Who doesn't?

Jasdero: *raises hand* I don't like sweet candy.

Lavi: …HOW!

Jasdero: Just don't. Skinn really gets on Dero's nerves when he tries to force feed me them.

Devit: Then the Earl gets mad because I try to attack him.

Lavi: How can you tell if the Earl is mad? He always looks the same.

Devit: Practice.

Jasdero: Lots of practice. Hee.

Devit: Lavi, what is your sexuality?

Lavi: As far as I know, straight.

Devit: And yes, Jasdero came back safe and sound.

Jasdero: Lexi wouldn't let go of Dero for six hours.

Devit: Next is from TriforceNinja.

**Lavi, I dare you to dress up into a pink bunny rabbit suit and sit on the Millennium Earl's lap for at least half an hour. Let Devit (or Jasdero) hit you with your own hammer at least once. (Don't be too rough on him, twins.) If you chicken out, I'll hunt you down!**

Devit: Dress up as a pink rabbit and sit on the Earl's lap for at least half an hour.

Lavi: Does this mean I have to face the Earl now?

Devit: Yep.

Lavi: Can I at least have my hammer back?

Devit: Nope.

Lavi: *dresses in rabbit suit* Where does Lexi get these costumes? There really comfy.

Devit: I don't know where she gets them.

Jasdero: *shrugs*

Devit: You can ask when she wakes up. Now go!

Lavi: *sighs* Fine.

IN THE EARLS'S ROOM

Lavi: *jumps on the Earl's lap* Earl!

Earl: Uh…

Lavi: *wraps arms around his neck* Can I have a pony?

Earl: A pony? Is it Christmas already? *pushes Lavi off* I have to go get Road's gift! She'll be mad if I don't! *leaves*

BACK AT STUDIO

Jasdero: Dero thinks Road just got a free gift.

Devit: Yep.

Lavi: *just got back still in suit* I don't think I'm getting my pony.

Devit: Next you must- *evil smile* Oh, Jasdero, we'll have fun with this one. You must let me and Jasdero hit you with your own hammer as much as we want.

Jasdero: *pulls out gun* Let's begin! Hee!

Lavi: It said hammer not gun!

Devit: *pulls out Lavi's hammer* Whack-a-Rabbit!

Devit and Jasdero: *chases Lavi around the studio*

TEN MINUTES, THIRTY-TWO SECONDS LATER

Lavi: *stops and pulls out Mugen* Halt! I have Mugen!

Devit and Jasdero: *stops and pulls out guns*

Lavi: *gets electrocuted and falls over*

Lexi: *standing behind him with a Taser* You chickened out so TriforceNinja gets to hunt you down.

Jasdero: You're alive! Hee!

Lexi: Yep. *sees the cat ears* D'wa. You look so kawai with those on.

Jasdero: *smiles*

Lavi: How long have you been awake?

Lexi: A couple minutes. *looks at Mugen* How did you get Mugen?

Lavi: Stole it from Kanda after I knocked him out.

Lexi: *quickly snatches it* You're not allowed any weapons while you're being tortured. It defeats the purpose.

Lavi: *sighs* Fine.

Lexi: Twins, you can continue.

Devit and Jasdero: *takes turns hitting Lavi with his own hammer*

Lexi: Hey! The review said NOT too rough. And Devit OR Jasdero, not both! *takes hammer*

Jasdero: *pouts*

Devit: *sticks tongue out and flips Lexi off*

Lexi: *rolls eyes* Next review is from Nightmon.

**I dare Lavi to kiss Leenalee in front of Komui. Lavi, who would you date: Kanda, Allen, or Tyki?**

Lexi: Lavi, you must kiss Lenalee-

Lavi: Sounds more like a dream than torture.

Lexi: -in front of Komui.

Lavi: Never mind. It's torture.

Lexi: Sorry Lavi. Can't think of a loop-hole for this one.

Lavi: Can't we just get a picture of Komui?

Lexi: *thinks* We could. But I have a better idea. We're gonna need Road.

IN KOMUI'S OFFICE

Komui: *laying on desk*

Reever: Chief, wake up. You need to sign these.

Komui: *fakes snores*

Reever: *sighs and leaves* Lenalee, go wake your brother up.*

Lenalee: OK. *goes inside office*

Lavi: *runs in after her* Lenalee!

Lenalee: Lavi? Where did you come from?

Komui: *peeks an eye opens and listens carefully*

Lavi: Hm. I really don't know where Lexi's office is.

Lenalee: Lexi?

Lavi: Er, never mind. *quickly pecks Lenalee on the lips* Bye! *runs out*

Komui: *about to run after him with a pick axe but stops when he hears a mysterious voice*

Voice: *evil childlike giggle*

Komui: Huh? *looks down and sees a doll on his desk*

Doll: *giggles again* Look up.

Komui: *looks up and sees he's not in his office anymore* W-Where am I?

Doll: *standing in the middle of the floor* Won't you play with me? *giggles*

BACK AT STUDIO

Lavi: Wow, using Road's dream world to stop Komui from killing me was pretty smart.

Lexi: *smiles* Thank ya!

Lavi: Ok, what's next?

Lexi: A question. Who would you rather date: Kanda, Allen or Tyki?

Lavi: Kanda. Duh.

Devit: That was fast.

Lavi: Well, if I was dating Kanda then I could prank and tease him all I want and it would be abuse if he hit me. Well, worse abuse.

Lexi: I like the way you think! Next is from Chunarilee.

**I dare Lavi to steal komui's potions and drink one of them to see what happens and I dare lavi to come up behind tyki and say in a demonic voice that he's a serial killer. Lavi did you ever eat a person before and do you really like kanda or do you want to kill him?**

Lexi: Road!

Road: *peeks through door in doll form* Yes?

Lexi: Steal a potion from Komui's office.

Road: *leaves and after a few minutes tosses a bottle out the door*

Lexi: Lavi, you must drink it.

Lavi: *picks it up and gulps* But, who knows what Komui put in this.

Jasdero: *grabs Lavi's arms and pins them behind his back*

Devit: *takes potion* Drink it bitch! *shoves it down his throat*

Lavi: *starts gagging and turns into a rabbit*

Lexi: Hey! Now you really are an usagi!

Lavi: *twitches nose*

Jasdero: Can Jasdero give him a carrot?

Lexi: I don't care. Road did say he was complaining about being hungry when she brought him here.

Jasdero: *gets a carrot and gives it to Lavi*

Lavi: *starts nibbling on carrot*

Road: *comes back* Got the antidote. *gives it to him*

Lavi: *turns back human* I'm never doing that again. Thanks for the carrot though.

Jasdero: *smiles*

Lexi: *whispers to Devit* Is there any more of that potion left?

Devit: *nods head*

Lexi: Can I have it?

Devit: *hands it to her*

Lexi: *puts it in desk drawer and goes back to normal voice* Now you must sneak up behind Tyki and tell him you're a serial killer in the most demonic voice you can do.

Lavi: Can I wear a costume?

Lexi: No.

Lavi: *pouts* Fine. Where do you get them anyway?

Lexi: Johnny. He enjoys tailoring and is really good at it. Though I guess he has to be since he creates all the Exorcist uniforms.

Lavi: He does?

Lexi: Yeah. You didn't know that?

Lavi: No, I didn't. Remind to thank him when I get back. These uniforms re really comfortable. *thinks* Maybe I can get him to make me some Halloween costume.

Lexi: Probably. When I ask him to make these he just happily does it. He doesn't even ask why I need them. Now you have a dare to do. Go!

IN TYKI'S ROOM

Lavi: *sneaks up behind the chair Tyki is sitting in* I am a SERIAL KILLER! *evil laughter*

Tyki: *turns around and looks at Lavi* That was a good voice.

Lavi: *smiles* Thanks.

BACK AT STUDIO

Lexi: That was good voice...Anyway, we should probably continue. Next are a couple of questions. Have you ever eaten anybody?

Lavi: What!? No! Who would even think that I do?!

Lexi: Apparently Chunarilee does. Do you really like Kanda or are just playing nice to get close enough to kill him?

Lavi: Of course I like Yu! He's my friend!

Lexi: *mumbles* Why do I have a feeling he would disagree…? *normal voice* Next is from Bloodsteel 45, the anonymous reviewer from last chapter who has said they didn't want to be anonymous.

**the dare I would like to submit is this Lavi has to sneak into lulu bells room and strip to his boxers and wait for her to return**

Lexi: Once again, I want to thoroughly apologize for what happened. I still feel really bad about that. Anyways, Lavi, STRIP!

Lavi: Uh…I thought you would have been saying that to Jasdero, not me. Oh well. *starts to strip*

Lexi: *blushing* It's for the dare! And only to your boxers!

Lavi: You're no fun. *strips to boxers* So?

Lexi: Sneak into Lulubell's room and wait for her reaction. I believe she's out right now.

Lavi: Lulubell? *thinks* Oh, now I remember! She's was pretty! *leaves*

Everyone: *sweatdrops*

IN LULUBELL'S ROOM

Lavi: *looks around* Her room is so plain. *sees the bed, smirks and jumps on it laying down* Her bed is so comfy though… *falls asleep*

TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES LATER

Lulubell: *walks in, sees the mostly undressed Lavi on her bed then walks out*

BACK AT STUDIO

Lavi: *gets thrown back in by Road* Ahg! What happened?

Lexi: You fell asleep. Surprisingly, Lulubell didn't try and kill you.

Lavi: *mumbles* I can't believe I missed seeing her…

Lexi: Next is from Guest. There was like four reviews from them so I'm going to go ahead and post them together…I just hope they're the same person.

**That was the funniest thing I've ever read haha! Can't wait till you continue it. Please continue it? :(**

**Lavi, I dare u to read "Optimistic Bunny" (Laven doujinshi) and at the end, be honest on if you got turned on or not.**

**If you don't answer these 3 questions, u work 4 Lexi 4 a month.**

**1.) when did you hit puberty**  
**2.) did u ever have a girlfriend**  
**3.) why does ur hair defy gravity**

**Lavi, why are you so fabulous? ;3**

**Please continue! I've been waiting for weeks! (Д )**

Lexi: *goes behind desk and motions Lavi to follow* OK, so I couldn't find 'Optimistic Bunny' on the website so I googled it. I found something called it on Youtube, so I'm hoping it's what you're talking about. If it's not, let me know and I will show Lavi the real one and videotape his reaction for you.

Lavi: *watches the video* …

Lexi: Uh, Lavi?

Lavi: …

Jasdero: Dero thinks the video broke him.

Lexi: It was a slightly disturbing video. Though that could just be because I don't ship Lavi/Allen. Sorry Laven fans.

Lavi: …I just don't like him like that.

Devit: You did say at the beginning of this that is was fun messing with him. *smirks*

Lavi: *blushes* Not like that…

Lexi: There's a corresponding question go with the video.

Lavi: What?

Lexi: Did you get turned on?

Lavi: *blush slightly deepens and whispers* Maybe a little bit*

Devit and Jasdero: *snickering*

Lexi: *pats Lavi on the back* It's OK. The next few things are questions. When did you hit puberty?

Lavi: I believe I was thirteen.

Lexi: Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Lavi: *scoffs* Of course! I've had three.

Lexi: You lie!

Lavi: What makes you say that?

Lexi: I asked Bookman earlier so I would know if you were lying.

Lavi: Damn Panda.

Devit: Ha! That means you're stuck working for her to!

Jasdero: You're stuck here with us as well! Hee!

Lavi: Doesn't actually sound that bad. I kind of like it here.

Lexi: Ah, thanks! *looks at Devit* See. You could take a lesson from his behavior.

Devit: *scoffs* Yeah, because I'm totally going to act like the Exorcist, my ENEMY.

Lexi: Moving on. Why does your hair defy gravity?

Lavi: Uh, it really doesn't. *takes off bandana and hair falls down* The bandana keeps my hair out of my face when I'm fighting.

Lexi: Why are you so fabulous?

Lavi: Are you asking or the reviewer? *smiles*

Lexi: The reviewer dumb butt!

Lavi: *smirks* Just cause I am.

Lexi: Quick announcement. Guest mentioned I haven't updated this in weeks-

Devit: About a month now.

Lexi: Why do you always interrupt me?

Devit: It makes you mad.

Lexi: *pushes Devit into the closet and locks it* I'll let you back out when you decide to be good boy! As I was saying, Guest mentioned that I haven't updated in weeks, and I realize that. My laptop for some reason won't let me get on the internet OR my documents, music, pictures or any files really. I've been working on this from school. Combine that with the fact the school's almost out and finals are drawing near, I just really don't have much time to type these stories up right now. My mom is hoping to get my laptop fixed soon. Until then, updates will be slow. I apologize and really hope you guys understand.

Jasdero: Dero understands. Hee.

Lexi: *smiles sweetly* Thanks Jasdero. OK, the last review for this chapter is from evee11.

**Dare Lavi to dye his hair hot pink and jump on the earls back yelling *Charge Porky* and Devitto to date the first person he sees!**

Lexi: Since Devit's out right now, Jasdero, do you want to help me?

Lavi: Do what?

Lexi: We're dyeing your hair pink!

Jasdero: Jasdero will help! Hee!

Lavi: Only if it washes out!

Lexi: It will. Promise.

10 MINUTES LATER

Lavi: *now has pink hair* Is there anything else?

Lexi: Yes. You must jump on the Earl's back yelling "Charge Porky!"

Lavi: *mumbles* I hate dealing with the Earl.

Lexi: Road will make sure nothing happens. Just like she did with Komui.

Lavi: She better.

IN THE EARL'S ROOM

Earl: Now what to get Road. She already has too many dolls. *deep in thought*

Lavi: *sneaks up behind him and jumps on his back* CHARGE PORKY! KYAA!

Earl: What the!? *begins to turn around*

Lavi: *quickly switches places with Road*

Earl: Road?

Road: Hello Earl! Play with me!

BACK AT STUDIO

Lexi: See Lavi. He didn't even know it was you.

Lavi: It was fun.

Lexi: Since the other was for Devit, I can't do it right now since this isn't his chapter. Devit and Jasdero are only here to be my slaves. They will have to partake in this at some point though.

Jasdero: We will? Hee.

Lexi: Yes, you will. I will keep a note of this and have Devit do it when it's his turn.

Jasdero: Lavi's hair bring out the color in his eyes.

Lexi: Huh? *looks closely* It does. Also, your hair and eye color no longer makes Christmas!

Lavi: Christmas?

Lexi: Yeah, red hair-green eyes. Red and green make Christmas.

Lavi: I thought red and green made blue.

Jasdero: Dero thought it made purple.

Lexi: It makes Christmas!

Jasdero: How much more of this chapter? Hee.

Lexi: Not much. *goes through cards* Actually, that's all.

Lavi: So we're done.

Lexi: Yep.

Jasdero: But you have to stay and for to! Hee!

Lavi: Well, it's just a month.

Lexi: Only if TriforceNinja doesn't find you. I'm pretty sure they will though.

Lavi: What makes you say that?

Lexi: They have 'Ninja' in their penname. Duh.

Jasdero: What about Devit?

Lexi: Oh, he can stay in there for a while. He'll be fine Jasdero. I promise. Lavi, now that I think about, I do have one more thing you can do if you want, this one is optional.

Lavi: What?

Lexi: crownclown25's review had two things you could say to Komui, yet you were only forced to do one. *holds up card* You wanna do the other?

Lavi: *grabs card and runs out*

WHERVER THE SCIENCE DIVISION IS

Lavi: Hey, Reever, where's Komui?

Reever: *points over his shoulder* Over there.

Lavi: Komui, I heard you went on an Allen hunt earlier. How did that go?

Komui: Couldn't find that slimy pervert. I need to punish him for touching my Lenalee!

Lavi: That reminds me, have you seen Lenalee today?

Komui: Come to think of, no I haven't. If Allen is even in a mile radius of her…

Lavi: It's fine, Komui. She's just probably taking care of Lucy.

Komui: Lucy?

Lavi: Yeah, Lucy, you know, Lenalee's daughter. You didn't know? That surprises me. She's bears an uncanny resemblance to Allen. It's kind of scary actually. *looks to see Komui is gone*

Reever: *walks up* Are you trying to get Allen killed.

Lavi: A little.

BACK AT STUDIO

Jasdero: Why didn't Komui go after Lavi? Hee.

Lexi: Why would he?

Jasdero: Lavi kissed Lenalee in front of him. Hee.

Lexi: That's why Road was there. Komui believes that it was all just a terrible nightmare.

Jasdero: Can Dero say goodnight?

Lexi: Yep. Just a second. The next character to be tortured will be… *thinks* Sorry, like I said, my internet's messed up so I can't get to my name generator. Um… *thinks some more* Eh, why not? Next will be Daisya Barry. *nods to Jasdero*

Jasdero: Goodnight!

* * *

**END CREDITS**

**I know Daisya is dead. I don't care. He's still one of my faves. Other deceased characters will occur as well, such as Skinn and Yeegar. All I ask is not to mention anything about their death. It will just makes things difficult. Arigato.**

**~hugs n kisses~**

**(Wow. This was seventeen pages long. Tyki's was only eight. Oh, well.)**

**EDIT: I feel so bad. I am so sorry Chunarilee. Reading over this, I realized I forgot to do one of your dares. I went back and fixed that. I am really sorry.**

**If anyone catches another error like that, or even grammer errors, let me know. I will get them fixed as soon as possible.**


End file.
